LDS Divorce Support

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Comment by Fa on May 5, 2012 at 9:16am

Oh yeah! Very good counsel Marianne! That's so true!!!

Comment by Marianne McGee on May 5, 2012 at 9:12am

I agree with everything that Fa has said here and then I have some of my own things to add. Give yourself time to get over the last relationship and concentrate on making friends or spending time with old friends. I found being able to be involved with the Single Adult programme really helped because I have had many a conversation with other divorced members who helped me get some perspective. The more I talked and got out and about the less I began to see my divorce as the end of my life as I knew it. 

Comment by Fa on May 5, 2012 at 7:53am

Hello WifeSupport.

"Sometimes, getting fired is the best thing that can ever happen, because it frees you from the wrong job and leads you to the right one!"

I love that quote and it could be apply for couple!

A divorce is not a bad situation. It's a learning time. You will develop now qualities, understandings and strength you would not have develop without that divorce. Let go people who don't want to be with you and let the room for new ones who will really appreciate who you are and your righteousness. Don't let your own happiness in the hands of others. Just trust life, stay close to the Lord and reconnect with yourself. Be your best friend and care about yourself in the best way... put yourself in the best energy and you will see, you will attract new good people and everything will be for the best! I feel really blessed and I'm really deaply happy even life difficulties and divorced not planned at all. You just finishad a story, now you can write a new book!  If you ever want to talk, don't hesitate...

Comment by Marianne McGee on January 18, 2012 at 2:26pm

Hi Robert, when I moved to France from New Zealand and my youngest son came with me I had to get the written permission of my ex-husband for him to leave the country and that was even without their being official visitation rights in place. In most countries there is a law governing that children cannot be moved out of country without either the permission of the other parent or the permission of the courts. I would get some legal advice as to what are the conditions under which an ex spouse can take children out of the country. If it does have to go to court then usually the judge will take into account the needs of the children as top priority. If the children have a great deal of contact with you on a regular basis then you are more likely to succeed in preventing them from leaving the country.

Here are a couple of links that explore this very issue which is now plaguing so many children of divorced parents. http://www.azcentral.com/families/articles/0329divorce30.html

http://www.marilynstowe.co.uk/2011/04/international-divorce-how-eas... (this one has an interesting explanation of the Hague Convention under which no parent is allowed to leave the country with their children without the formal consent of the other parent. Canada was a signatory to that Convention. )

Comment by Robert James Ward on January 18, 2012 at 1:26pm

Can anyone tell me or advise me on what to do when your ex wants to move all of your children to a different country?  I live in Canada she wants to move them to Utah.

Thanks Robert.

Comment by Fa on January 17, 2012 at 2:32pm

Marianne, I totally agree with you. I feel the same about my mother's role. I feel to still have the same goals and have dammage nothing. More than that, I'm (humbly) proud of myself to have kept my kids in the good way and I think I've been a great wife even with hard time and being alone in my couple goals..And I love what you say about you and the Lord because it's exactlly what I feel. And I have a big testimony about divorce even if this sound weird or impossible to some people. The answer was too clear. It's the best thing I did for my eternal happiness.

I would love that people could see divorced people as courageous one. People who did there best for so long, even when everything seemed impossible or useless. And it take courage to do it even kids hurt and financial difficulties.

Comment by Fa on January 17, 2012 at 2:13pm

:) I raised like that Debbies. My father is really well known in my country and I've always been called like that too "the daughter of..." and not by name. It doesn't matter really... the thing is to find our own value and understand we have things to teach to others. What we lived is an experience that strenghten us if we take it as a positif lesson of life. Every hard experience make us more compassionate to others or more something whatever it is. Think about who you are and the things that nody has except you and give it to others... and you will fit. What do you think about this?

Comment by Debbie Hofmann on January 17, 2012 at 11:04am

Since my divorce I feel like I don't fit in anywhere.  I have a teenage daughter and everyone knows her but they call me her mom and not by name.

 

Does anyone else feel this way

Comment by Marianne McGee on January 14, 2012 at 10:23am

That is exactly how I feel Fa! I see it on the faces of my leaders that I am like damaged goods in the area of marriage, that in their sight I am a failure because I am divorced. They think that somehow I am dreaming when I say that my role as a wife was one of my greatest successes in my life because I know how much effort that I put into my marriage. But you are right that it takes 2 people to make a marriage work. I don't think that attitudes will change in a hurry because we live in a gospel that is so heavily family oriented. The most important thing that I have worked on is to make sure that the Lord and I are on the best of terms and that HE approves of what I am doing. As long as that is the case then I can handle how the members feel.

Comment by Fa on January 13, 2012 at 8:24pm

Do you have the same feeling than me... like to be a little bit embarrassed to say that you are divorced? I feel like people will think I had my part of responsablity in that divorce, Yet I strongly know that some of us was cycling alone on a tandem for many years, facing unworthy spouse or violence or psychological violence or whatever make us cycling alone. Whatever good we could have bring in our mariage it would have fall in a bottomless container. Having lived this with my ex husband, and being a "victime" of his behavior for 15 years, I feel it's not fair to tag me of "divorced". I feel like in middle age when they burned the skin of adultery women with a big "A". I feel in the church it's still a taboo subject. I feel like people think you are not as good mormon than you should have been. Not in my ward of course because they know how faithfull I am but... well I don't know, maybe it's only in my head... part of my fears. What do you think about it? Do you feel the same or not?

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